This would normally be a voice note I don’t share, direct from the phone, zero edits, late night, the sounds of passing cars through the window. I think it’s a kinda pretty, honest painful, very slow and mournful thing. You feel it in your chest, you know?
Self-soothing with a guitar, I guess, would be its value. In the moment I think it’s a long-learned crying substitute. Sometimes it takes a lot to cry. Even when there’s so much wrapped up inside, or pressing down on you. Thank god for wood, metal, vibrating vocal chords and an absurdly intricate system of patterns I can twist into shapes explaining my insides. Weird weird weird…
For context, on this recording I’m laid up (again) with a smashed knee, painkillered up to the eyeballs, feeling extremely sorry for myself. It’s definitely an additional challenge when you’re trying to solve some longterm physical problems along with all the other baggage you’re dragging.
The urge to hole up and hide is a powerful one for sure, but having the means to open the door if its available is so valuable.
Hey, you, light, nice to see you.
I hope you’re OK.
And here we reach that point of awkwardness when I remember this isn’t a diary and I am in fact sharing it with you. That’s when we do the quick: “feel the fear and do it anyway” and hit post before the backspace takes hold of my right index finger.
This of course means it’s time to do the ol’ undercut, so:
“Here’s your next ever-so-slightly depressing tune from your favourite mildly unhinged singer-songwriter, oooo aren’t I all self-deprecating, etcetera”
Traalalalalaaaa
Anyway, maybe take a couple moments for yourself to feel what you gotta feel to keep on…
Lyrics
And then again I’m alone
And just like that
For just a moment
I’m all alone
These four walls
Feel it, close
It’s ok being nothing
It’s ok being all for one
Life was never real after all
Everything imagined
Let it happen, happening
Open when you let it
Let it let you in
Outside, turning right round
Inside
I
Am