Well… this is a big one. What you might call a shit-or-get-off-the-pot moment.
Story time! At the start of 2019 I had pretty much given up on music. I moved to London with my then-girlfriend with the hopes of shifting my gardening business from the New Forest to the city.
To tide me over until I could get fully set up I bounced around what felt like a billion unsuccessful interviews, trying to use my two degrees to get something writing-related (wouldn’t it be a bloody miracle for University to have been of SOME use?) Unfortunately, I had no luck, regardless of spending a sizeable chunk of my rapidly dwindling funds on an absurdly uncomfortable suit and leather boot combo, and cutting my gloriously long locks.
Eventually, it got to the point of needing any work whatsoever as my savings were pretty much dead. Finally, on the 17th March 2020 I got myself a job at a school for kids with special educational needs. It was a hell of a drive from my grotty little group house in Walthamstow, but I had a good few years experience in the care sector so I thought it was something I might be able to handle in the short- to medium-term. You can probably already see where this is going…
I had exactly one trial day working at the school, which was of course difficult but, as ever when caring for those with challenges, incredibly fulfilling. On that day there was already some talk of the necessity for avoiding non-essential contact but it didn’t feel particularly real.
Six days later, on 23rd March – a day before my first real full-time shift – that blonde-headed buffoon announced the first Covid lockdown.
Shit.
I spent several weeks completely panicking, as I’m sure a lot of us did. People were literally walking the empty streets in bloody gas masks. Zombie apocalypse vibes all across London. Not only was there the worry of what felt like an impending collapse of normality and the world as we knew it, but I had NO FUCKING MONEY LEFT!
Thank Skydad for Reddit.
A few weeks into lockdown I was lucky enough to be browsing r/psychedelics and spotted a message looking for writers. Psychedelics have been a really important part of my life since I was around seventeen. It might sound overblown, but I truly believe they completely changed me as a person and profoundly altered the way I see the world and interact with others. That experience of finally seeing myself, outside of myself made me realise how all my preconceived ideas were constructed, rather than immutable, solid things. Utterly terrifying and completely freeing. But I digress!
To momentarily continue the digression, here’s a little voice note which might somewhat illustrate the brain change psychedelics promoted. It’s about how though we may appear to be individuals and time may seem to be moving in a direction, it isn’t and we aren’t.
How does the matter in my skull do this? Words and vibrations
Why does it, is it me? Yes it is, but I am just an estimation
Life is continuous enough for us, it appears
Anyway, back on task! I applied for the job and was pretty much immediately tasked with writing an article. They were happy with it and I settled happily into working with them for the next six years. Throughout my time in London, this was not enough to support me fully but let’s not dive into Kate Moss, the Arctic Monkeys, the cannabis farm in the basement, or the guys in balaclavas coming through the front window. Maybe that’s for another time…
After a couple of years I began writing for the company as my sole income – you can read some of my writing HERE if it takes your fancy. I’m really proud of the work.
However, last week I was informed quite out of the blue that the company was being sold and the blog would be shutting down immediately.
Shit.
As you know, the life of a musician is one pretty much lived in the overdraft unless you get lucky. I’ve invested a huge amount into this frighteningly ephemeral possibility of a career over the last couple of years. If you’ve been following along for a while, you’ll also know that I’ve been lucky enough to move back in with my parents. Without this, even with income it would be impossible for me to invest as much time, energy and money into this crazy idea as is necessary for there to even be the vaguest chance of success.
I want to be as honest and open with you as I possibly can. So, there it is, bare. I’m once again fucking skint and floundering.
However, since starting off the record and beginning to send out the free CDs and the following few albums, I have finally had signs that this might be viable if I can just stay the course.
You have made this more than just a dream.
So, while everything is completely uncertain right now, I do think I can treat this considerable bump in the road as an opportunity. Fully commit. Believe in you, believe in your belief in me. Keep pushing.
I get so, so many emails from people that actually care about not only my music, but me as a person. It’s giving me the courage to not repeat past mistakes. No giving up. No falling back into the 9-5. It’s going to be incredibly challenging and I’m going to need you, but we can do this!
The live album is on the way. I couldn’t afford a lot of CDs this time, literally just 50 in total, so, I want to make this special. This is not just a push for the future but a thank you, to you, for everything you’ve done and continue to do.
I’m never going to put any of these recordings on streaming and these first 50 CDs will be signed and numbered, with individual messages for anyone that gets involved – and only available for members of off the record.
Hopefully, this will mean I can get back into the studio before the end of the year to finish all these new songs for the next full record in 2027. Every single penny goes back into the music, all of it. Know that.
This is exciting (in a somewhat crapping-myself way) but you continue to fill me with hope.
Thank you for everything,
DAVIDD
P.S. Sneaky peek?
